Five kinds of VOIs
by Heavychop
Summary: Xanxus has recently found out how to differentiate Squalo's VOIs and plans to make Squalo screams out all the VOIs in a go! But of course, he needs a plan. Will he succeed? A typical Squalo plus crazy Varia plus a very OOC Xanxus equals to endless inferno to the Vongola! (Re-uploaded.)


Xanxus finds out a few kinds of vois that Squalo would make after a tiny research for some time. He actually feels proud of it as it is indeed a kind of achievement that you wouldn't get so much in a lifetime (he's also proud to say that he got a distinction for hearing), since Squalo's vois are undeniably loud and they practically sound the same. Xanxus let out a triumphant grin as he jots down his latest discovery.

I. VOOOOOIIIIIIII! (the welcoming/greeting/announcing sort)

II. VVVOOOIIIIIII! (a more prolonged and emphasized version of no.1, in a frustrated/annoyed/warning tone)

III. Voi! (a short, one-worded usually follows by a string of foul language)

IV. V-voi/voi! (as a start of a sentence in a rather bitchy tone)

V. Voiii... (in a blissful tone)

But shit he thinks. His latest great discovery doesn't fix the fucking mess that he has made this morning (it's not even relevant for fuck's sake!). What the fuck. He doesn't like to be reminded how he has wrecked the already-full-of-alcoves-and-breaches-even-though-r epaired-for-the-gazillionth-times-still-close-to-c ollapsing dining room, again, while he is just about to have his own sweet time rubbing his caboose on the motherfucking chair and swirl his 1900's tequila in the cheap wine glass. He secretly grins to himself about how that Sawada scum will die of a heart-attack when he receives the half a meter long bill for the construction of the Varia mansion (well since Varia is under guardianship of Vongola, of course they fucking in charge of the bills!). Xanxus can't help admiring his own intelligence for being able to think of such ways to take vengeance for the ass-kicking a few years back. But nevertheless, he still needs to write a report about the whole incident in order for the claim (the Vongola requested for a "reasonable" source of their pocket hole-drilling), which sucks. Because, writing report is what, and the only thing he can't make other people do it (the stupid old-fashioned Vongola demands hand-written document even though it's already the century of computing and machinery and they're still fucking living back in the Victorian days), and he hates to do things on his own (he usually makes Squalo do his shitting for him). He thought of getting the damn shark trash to illuminate his hand-writing and complete the motherfucking thing, but sadly the trash has went for a mission, and hasn't yet come back.

Hell. What should he write about it?

The stupid peacock gay trash fucking ruin my breakfast (and my mood) by serving me some boiled caterpillar soup with gooey what-seem-like-peas floating on them and a few slices of bread with what he claims to be his latest creation as the spread so I shoved his bald head into the disgusting soup and stuffed the spread in the ugly and annoying trash's mouth to release my anger for not getting my shitty breakfast and trashed the dinning and alas I couldn't stand it anymore that I burnt the goddamned room down but the fucking fire engulfed the whole section into ashes. The fucking dumpster is needing a fucking make over already anyways, its has been left to rot there for decades.

PS: I want the most luxurious materials for my new building. And some antiques 'cause the stupid prince trash broke a few of my fucking collections.

Short and sweet. Just two simple sentence, a signature and he's done. Bravo.

Xanxus adores his own talent for writing.

Now, back to his discoveries, so he is smart after all, better than the asshole Sawada brat. He is sure that that worthless trash has never discovered anything in his life. Yes yes... He's a thousand times better than that brat, Boss-worthy than that trash. He feels so good and... pleased.

He wants to make that trash shark hollers out all the five vois today. Because he feels like it. But the shark trash isn't around.

What Xanxus wants, Xanxus will get it. Even by force, or by... his brain bleeper.

He also ferrets that whenever he wants the shark trash to appear before him, he just have to think hard, calls his name in his head for three times, and the trash will be in front of him in no time. He sometimes wonders if the trash has installed a receptor in his brain. Never mind, he will finds out soon enough. Once again, he's so damn pleased with his cleverness. He should have been the next Sherlock Holmes with that IQ.

Well waste no time, let the magic of Xanxus' telepathy begin!

Stupid long-haired shark trash. Stupid long-haired shark trash. Stupid long-haired shark trash.

As Xanxus finished uttering the last calling in his mind, he heard the familiar vigorous, ferocious and urgent footsteps heading his way. The corners of Xanus' lips curve upwards. He's magic worked again. He must be the best creation that God has ever made. Speaking of the devil. Xanxus reaches for his custom pack of cotton balls that is always stored safely at the left side of his Varia boss' uniform, took out a few parcel of fresh cottons and stuffs them into his ears.

That has been his secret weapon to avoid deafness cause by thunder booming, for many years. Xanxus constantly sees people suffering from the shark's vexing and incredibly loud voice leads him to a conclusion that no one has ever thought of making him shut up or shutting their own ears. He has thought of both. Once again, he admires his genius brain.

The sound of footsteps are getting clearer. Xanxus is ready for it, half-filled glass in his hands. His eyes focus at the door as he hears the VOOOOOIIIIIIII! (no.1) coming from outside his office. On the count of 3.

Three.

Two.

One.

Hallelujah.

The door slams open in a millisecond. Xanxus raises his arm as fast as his hands are able to react to the appearance of the shark trash, aims at the shark's forehead that has been contacting with UFOs (uncountable flying objects) and throws the tequila-filled glass at the poor man who just came back from a dreaded trail. Xanxus watched the slow-motion played movie of the wine glass explodes into numerous glittering pieces and its content gushes out and wash the shark trash's sweaty silver hair from the camcorder (oh, did I mention Xanxus did prepared a camcorder in a good angle to capture the epic live scene?) while enjoying the trash screaming at the top of his voice.

VVVOOOIIIIIII!

"So you came, trash. A little too late." Too late for sucking his shit for him. Xanxus' already did the report himself.

"Voi! (no.3) I'VE ONLY FUCK GONE FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING TWO DAYS AND YOU'RE FUCKING DESTROYING THE MOTHERFUCKING BUILDING FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING'S SAKE! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING THINKING YOU GODDAMNED FUCKING BASTARD! THE FUCKING VONGOLA HAS ALREADY FUCKING SENT A FUCKING WARNING LETTER ABOUT YOU FUCKING AROUND TOO FUCKING MUCH AND THE FUCKING NEXT TIME WE FUCKING CLAIM FOR ANY MOTHERFUCKING BILLS WE'LL HAVE TO MOTHERFUCKING PAY IT BY FUCKING BEING THE FUCKING VONGOLA'S FUCKING SLAVE!" Oh god, the trash is damn exasperated. How does Xanxus not know about the warning letter? Perhaps he wasn't paying any attention to no one other than the tasty lamb stew on the very day they had a meeting on financial problems. He wonders how the shark trash is able to place a curse word in between every word he shouts. What an interesting topic to investigate.

"So what? That's none of my problem." Xanxus shrugs and shot the shark trash that has his veins all popped out his trademark glare. He isn't paying any attention to these kinds of menial shit, especially when he's the boss and he has got something better to to do, such as big discoveries.

"V-voi! (no.4) YOU ARE THE FUCKING CAUSE OF ALL THIS SHIT YOU SHITTY BOSS!" One more to go.

"Then why no blame that peacock dragqueen for serving me some crap that the gaylord scum called "food"?"

"I did beat him up but voi you shouldn't have blown up the goddamned entire building either! That's totally absurd!"

"So what. I don't fucking care if those scumbags were barbecued along with the building and I haven't been eating my breakfast yet so you're paying me that."

"Hell cares about your stupid breakfast you just have your lunch didn't you voi we've got a serious problem here!" Why is the damn shark still not uttering the last type of voi!? Xanxus is sick of waiting for it and decides to make Squalo satisfy his wish. The hell he cares about the damn bills or this stupid junk castle.

"The shabby thing needs a repair anyways." Xanxus mutters under his breath. "And now you fucking scum," Xanxus presses the shark against the wall and breathes to the trash, leaving the long-haired shark with no escape.

"Voiii..."

"will pay for my breakfast." As the words are send to the air both the mans carmine lips contacted. Squalo tries to push Xanxus off but he's too strong, too famished and too keen to devour the tasty-looking shark whole.

"Mfft! Goddamnit this is no time to screw... Mft~" Xanxus slides his warm tongue into Squalo's mouth and explores the inside of the space, wonders if he'll discovers new things to be added into his mental Xanxus' Book of Great Discoveries. The shark trash tilts his head to a better angle of kissing and carefully removes his artificial hand and leaves it drops to the ground with a metal sound. Xanxus place his warm hands around the other man and slowly strips him to reveal his pale, bare skin that is still sticky from sweating. Squalo does the same, unbuttoning Xanxus' shirt while planting his lips in his badass boss' nape, sucking, biting. Xanxus gave out a low muffles as his hands made their way to the shark's nipples and rubs them mercilessly.

"Voiii...Arh goddamn~~" Squalo groans.

"A HA!" Xanxus' sudden shout breaks the romantic atmosphere and surprised the hot shark that is still licking his boss' torso. _What the fuck!? _

"Oi trash, get lost. I'm done with you." Xanxus pushes the half naked shark to the ground before murmuring a rather audible and sneering "You stink." and picks up his clothing and left humming happily to himself as he has fulfilled his wish. _So what shall I do next?_ Xanxus thought as he left Squalo splattering his silver hair on the floor looking like a fooled bitch and skips off idly. Of course, Xanxus didn't forget to add extra cottons to his ears to protect them from future injuries as he admires how smart he is again.

"VVVVVVOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIII!" An extremely loud, Earth-shaking bawl is let loosed to the air. The already ruined Varia mansion suffers an unpredictable earthquake. Sadly, she didn't survive. And Squalo is left with financial and his own hair-falling problems alone.

_Hmm, guess that will be no.6 (mentally jots down)._


End file.
